Are you a people-pleaser?
Do you try to help everyone at the expense of your own needs? Do you try to make others happy as a means of avoiding confrontation? Do you feel guilt when you put yourself first? I hate to say it but if these sound like you, you’re a people pleaser.
Trying to make others happy at your own expense is a poor way to spend your time and energy. If you’re looking out for everyone else, who has your best interests at heart? You might think you’re trying to be nice, but that’s not the full story.
People-pleasers feel a need to make others happy, but the motive isn’t about others. Honestly, people-pleasers are attempting to avoid confrontation. The thought of it upsets them. They are also feel important by helping others. When they do something nice for another person, they feel good about themselves. Meanwhile, their own lives could be unravelling.
They also lose the respect of others. When you don’t respect your time or your needs, no one else will either. You’re training people to treat you badly. And the sad thing is, you really don’t even realize it.
I want you to avoid pleasing others and PUT YOU FIRST!
Realize that’s it’s not important that everyone likes you. It’s not even possible. There are people that you’ll never like. Everyone has their own set of preferences. Understand that some people won’t like you no matter what you do. It just doesn’t matter. You want the people in your life that want you. It’s so funny how free you feel when something finally clicks in your head. This is one of those things.
Get your validation from yourself. Those that try to please everyone are receiving their validation externally. You don’t need others to make you feel good. Build up what makes you feel good. Put your attention on pleasing yourself.
All you must do is say “no.” The more you do it, the easier it becomes to say no to others and yourself. When you’re asked to do something that you don’t have time to do, say “no.” When you put pressure on yourself to make others happy, say “no” to yourself. It can be that simple. No will work both ways! When you say “no,” you’re saying “yes” to something else. I actually shared HOW TO SAY NO HERE.
What are you saying “yes” to? Suppose you don’t want to go out with your friends after work. By declining to attend, you’re saying “yes” to spending time with your family, or having YOU time, catching up on your sleep, or something else. Know what you’re doing for yourself.
Deal with the aftermath. What are the negative consequences you’ll face when you begin to refuse requests and stop giving in? From others, you can expect some general negativity. When others are used to controlling you, they won’t give up that control easily. Just stand your ground. You can also expect a negative reaction from yourself, mainly guilt. You’ll get over it quickly. Hang in there.
Be prepared to lose a few people. There are a few people that may have been pretending to be your friend. Once you stop being so accommodating, they’ll move on. You’re better off without them. People will begin to have a new level of respect for you, and you’ll attract a new group of friends that bring more to your life.
Drop the apologies. You don’t have to apologize because your priorities don’t match up with someone else’s. You have the right to prioritize your time as you see fit. Avoid apologizing if you don’t have anything to apologize for. Remember, YOU take care of YOU!
People-pleasing creates anxiety. You’re more likely to be feel anxiety and guilt when you’re a people-pleaser. You end up doing too much and you’re too concerned about the opinions of others. When you try to do too much and be too much, you’re going to be stressed.
What you get out of pleasing others will never outweigh the costs. Learn to get validation from yourself. You don’t have to please others to feel good about yourself. Give your own needs your attention. You deserve as much as anyone else.